Friends

Truly difficult for me. But I guess it’s the best choice moving forward.. I cried a ton during our video call but he seemed unaffected..

I guess he really have moved on. He said he doesnt love her but he likes her. I asked if I still matter to him and he said yes. I asked if he still loves me as much as he did before or lesser and he said he doesnt know.

Wtf even is that answer?? Is he trying to make me feel better by saying he doesnt know instead of no he doesnt love me anymore??

Je ne sais pas man. My heart still hurts. It’s been 4 days since Wednesday. And I know he spent the night at her place again like he always does.. My mind still goes crazy wondering if he enjoys his time much more with her than with me.. Does he share all the little details of his life with her rather than with me?

Does he talk about his family to him or the content of his therapy when he doesnt even tell me that.. Does he fall asleep when they watch tv because he’s so comfortable with her already..

2 years all erased within 4 months. He’s forgetting everything that happened between us. He no longer asks how’s my day even if I don’t share. He doesn’t text me if I don’t text first.

It’s tiring because even as friends, I do want him to initiate conversations first. And I’m terrified that if I stopped talking to him, he’s not going to talk to me because he said he wasn’t. But how do I even talk to him first knowing he just spent the night with her on her bed, snuggling close and feeling each other’s warmth? There’s nothing I can ask. Even if i do, he’s not going to tell me anyway so what’s the point?

I think about how he’s gonna send her to the airport, cry when she leaves for Japan for 3 mths and then call her everyday telling her he misses her. Things he used to do with me.. And she returns back and he goes and pick her up, plant kisses on her lips and gives her tight hugs..

And if say covid dies down in dec and I wanna go over.. what happens? Will I feel more alone than I already am even tho I could see him but he would be spending xmas with her. Possibly bringing her home to meet the fam too..

And it won’t be a non-permanent thing anymore. It will be a full on r/s with commitment and shit. Wtf I can’t even comprehend how it can be non-permanent but they’d be in a r/s??

My heart truly hurts.. Somebody tell me how do I get out of this mess? Please.

Last trigger

And so.. it did happen. Even after countless subtle and obvious reminders, he still decided to celebrate vday with her. Congratulations Jermaine. You’re the absolute fool for thinking he wouldn’t.

You’re a fool for trusting that he wouldn’t go that far to hurt you.

You’re a fool for holding on till now even though your friends told you to let go.

You’re a fool for having that tiny hope that maybe he wouldn’t spend it with her.

But guess what he did. Not only on 14 feb, he spent 12 and 13 feb with her as well. Congratulations Jermaine. You’re the clown here 🙂

It hurt so badly knowing he spent friday night with her. Saturday morning he texted me saying he misses me. I said it back but he never did open the msg. So i deleted it and asked him if he was with her now. And he replied like on sunday saying he saw the deleted msg and yes he is with her. Well, so he saw it but didnt bother to open it. So I guess they were just empty words.

I thought I meant enough that he would remember how much dates are important to me and spending vday with another girl esp her would hurt me more than ever. Guess I thought wrong. Absolute fool

I really want to just delete him away from my life but I just can’t bear to do so.. all the memories, all the love.. but what’s the use. He’s never coming back to me and obviously he doesn’t need me anymore with another girl in his life now. It hurt when he told me he had something to tell me and I asked whether they kissed and he said yes. And i asked who initiated and he said he cant rmb

Well, who doesnt rmb this kind of things??? And knowing that they kissed, means the next step is coming.. I’m just beyond disappointed and my heart feels like it’s physically breaking itself into pieces. He said he’s not looking for anything permanent and at least not with her. How do you not have smth permanent for a year?? She’s gonna be there at least for another year before she returns to her home country.

Time to move on I guess. He doesn’t love me anymore. Goodbye forever.

My heart aches

My heart really aches. Writing this has caused me to tear up again. I just feel like nobody wants to listen to me and hence this is here.

My ex has been saying that I’m guilt tripping him even tho I had no intention to, and it’s pushing him away. That’s really the last thing I want but it seems like i keep doing it. I guess it’s also to test his patience again to see whether he really will leave me.

And that’s really stupid but like idk anymore. I’m just so sad every single day and he seems to he doing well. He wrote me a xmas letter that told me he still loves me but that was xmas.. he could stop loving me like today or tomorrow or any second which really sucks. I really need to stop thinking about this and move on..

But, I just dont want to. He’s right when he said I’m scared I cant find someone who’s patient with me again and hence holding on. But of course, it’s more than that. It’s the bits and pieces of memories, of growing together, of the love we shared. How he used to send me to class during exchange before making his way back and sending me home without fail every night even tho I lived downtown during exchange. It was at least a 30 mins drive and he made sure to do it every time i go over to his place for dinner and chill afterwards. Sure, these may all seem like physical small things that anyone can do but it’s just not the same.

Knowing that he spends time with R really kills me. And he knows that but he said that spending time with her really makes him happy.. So who am I to stop him now that we are no longer tgt. If we were still together, I would have no issues definitely..

I feel him pulling away from me again. Maybe I should really stop talking to him. That’s what he wants I suppose. For us to move on before being friends again. But is it really possible??

He said he might want to be more than friends with R but nothing serious and wtf of course it hurt for some private reasons. Am i supposed to be consoled that he said nothing serious? No I’m not. And no, I know I’m not supposed to be bothered by it but it’s proving wayyyy too hard. Fml. When can I feel ok again.

And well, it’s 1208am now, which is 1108am there and yet he hasnt texted me. My guess, he made plans with R and isnt texting me so he wouldnt have to feel shitty because I would feel shitty for sure. He’s got no time to deal with my shit. And well, again it sucks.. I used to be the first person he texts when he wakes up but now I can only think that he texts her instead which really really really sucks. Could be just my overthinking but yeah.. It hurts so badly for real.

Update: I was overthinking. He slept till 12pm which is extremely rare. Sigh. It’s a good thing I wrote it here instead of projecting it onto him. That wld have pushed him away further.

Can somebody save me out of this misery? And yeah, I guess true love doesn’t exist. Neither do soulmates. I was a huge fool thinking it would work. And well, I guess the next trigger would come on Vday. To determine whether to cut ties with him completely or not. Stupid girl. Seriously stupid. I hate myself.

We once had a r/s like this. But I guess it’s never coming back and it hurts.
Credits: cutestbaegoals

Worst year ever?

Happy New Year everyone. Lmao, what’s so happy about it.

This has been my internal dialogue for like days considering it’s only the 2nd day of 2021.

Well, the breakup really took a toll on me and my mental health. While I might not be in the category of having any major mental illnesses, I think it’s safe to say that it’s hard for me to feel happy? I mean I still do, but I cry a lot more now.

Just about anything sets me off. Be it a movie, a show, a thought, music lyrics, instagram, facebook etc. Even writing this makes me cry. My mind is in constant overdrive about what my ex is doing or who he’s hanging out with.

It got pretty bad on NYE and NY because he decided to spend the night together with this girl whom I know her existence of solely because we discussed something sort of a hall pass. Even though nothing happened between them and he never mentioned anything about having sex with her to her and hence they’re still friends, it really hurts. Like wtf, which platonic friends like 1 girl and 1 guy would spend the night together alone unless they were interested in each other???

And he doesnt seem to get it. He assured me by saying that he “doesn’t think/doubt anything will happen” Like wtf again. A straight no would have done the trick but noooooo he decided to use words which implied he thought about it.

And ok, I get it. We’re just friends now so I shouldn’t have a say in what he does or who he hangs out with. But hey, he was the one who said that he’s not ready to move on blah blah but his actions say otherwise?? Call me crazy but like how can I trust what he says when he says one thing but does another..

My mind went into overdrive when he disappeared for hours on end. Like are they doing it or cuddling or kissing?? Idk which is worse. Like intimacy or sexual intercourse.

Words of affirmation is 2nd on my list for my love language and the words he chose really … just hurts. Like “if it’s any consolation, there are 2 separate bedrooms” and he keeps saying like “the difference is, when i said i will support you no matter who we end up with, i meant it. But you dont” and ok, I always reply same. But truth be told, I can’t do it now. I really cant. Esp not with this girl whom he claims that he has no feelings for.. it’s like ok, sometimes i think about it and yes, he won’t be with her because he said he won’t and he has a good track record of not lying to me. But more often than not, I forget. And Idk, that unnecessary lie really broke me in ways I never knew possible.

I’ve become an over thinker and insecure and have trust issues ??? I really didn’t think I was so dependent on him and our relationship. They say to love yourself first so that you can love others. But I’m finding it really hard to do so. To self love.

We’ve broken up for 2 months but I really cant move on. The only way I know possible is to date another guy but right now, I’m emotionally drained and also don’t wanna treat this guy as a rebound because that would be unfair to him.

I keep thinking of ways I’m gonna get to canada but at the same time, the same question comes back. Will he still love me or will he have moved on by the time I get there?

My counsellor told me to think about it like if i were to really move to canada, is it for him or is it for myself. Right now, it’s for him for sure. But what I have not told him is that I see canada as a place of respite and escape from what happened to me here. While my counsellor said that it’s not selfish because she came here to escape from her home country as well, I’m scared he will think that I’m just using him but I’m really not..

Sigh. I’m just so sad all the time it sucks. My mum also just told me that her biz may have to close soon due to some issues so that’s another burden..

I really wish I could look into the future and see where I end up and who I end up with. Perhaps I’ll be alone keeping dogs or just buried in work till I die which is just sad..

But let me just recap 2020

Jan & Feb: Spent our first new years and vday tgt

March: Started my full time job amidst covid

April to Sept: Started out ok but it just went downhill. WFH, convocation got postponed to jan 2021 but gonna get postponed again.. took up the innovation challenge which is a pain in the ass, thank god ending soon in feb 2021 so hopefully there’s smth to show. Argued a lot, embroidered some stuff and got a photobook for him as our anni gift

Oct: Thought everything was gonna be ok but we broke up anyway..😞 He was going to send my clothes back but didn’t because that’s really heart breaking.

Nov & Dec: In self denial and constantly wallowing in self pity which aint good but I think it’s necessary to do so until I can actually feel better. Got really hurt because he decided to spend the night with another girl i dont trust at all (see starting)

Yeah that’s about it. Really hoping covid19 will end soon and travelling can happen soon so I can maybe.. just maybe rekindle our love and save our rs 🥺

Halloween 2020

Wow. Last time I wrote was 2 years back. But well, needed an outlet that nobody knows me so yeah.

We broke up and I’m super depressed about it. I just keep crying at random moments of the day. I thought we could pull through this LDR amidst this pandemic but guess I was wrong..

We still very much love each other but he just can’t take the distance anymore. Which I don’t get it because like he wants to keep in contact. So how are we going to move on? We have made so many plans of our future together but now it’s pretty much all gone.

How does one break up amicably and stay friends without habouring any romantic feelings for the other party? Idk.. So many thoughts, so lazy to write them. He said he doesn’t want each other to disappear from each other’s life but he hasnt texted me.. idk. Perhaps I’m overthinking it because he’s an early riser and it’s 12am now (12pm his time) but he didn’t whatsapp me but instead he just replied to my fb msgs which were sent days ago..

I guess part of me doesn’t wanna tell anyone that we broke up cause like once I say it out, I’m acknowledging it. So right now I’m in denial, hoping he would take me back (sounds desperate but I really love this guy). The thought of starting over again with another guy really scares me and tires me out. 2 years isn’t very long but it ain’t very short either..

Guess I’ll hate Halloween from today onwards because that’s the day we broke up. Ok time to retire to bed. My head is killing me from all the crying I did.

Choir of the World

Second week that I’m back in SG after winning the title Choir of the World with NUSChoir.

I must say, I am extremely proud and honoured to be part of the choir who won this. That being said, I didn’t sob tears of joy. It was funny. I should have but I didn’t. Perhaps it was because I didn’t feel enough attachment to the choir or even to my section.

Idk. It kinda sucks. Don’t get me wrong. People are really nice. But if you ask me to name a single person whom I feel a genuine connection to.. There’s like no one. And it’s kinda sad.

Which brings me to my next point of whether I should continue to be in the choir. Commitment is crazy, I don’t feel attachment, it’s kinda like a sing and leave cca. My batch is really small and yet we havent even bonded. Or at least not enough imo. Or maybe because I don’t try very hard because why bother forming r/s that won’t last?

Of course, now people wld say just try spending more time with them. Get to know them. But does it really work? Cause I’m not the kind that likes small talk. Small talk stresses me out and drains all of my energy.

And with me going for exchange next sem, being away from the choir for one sem.. Will it be awkward when I return? So there’s that.

Guess I’ll think about it when I get back. After all, they would prolly do fine without me. As always.

Jtc scholarship interview

Hello! So I’m just going to write stuff down here for future reference cause I’m really forgetful and also because some people may want help in prepping for their scholarship interview.

Ok but to start things off, I didnt get the scholarship so I can’t really tell you what JTC is looking for. And my interview was wayyyy back in March so that’s like 3 months ago.

But anyway, JTC’s scholarship interview was in my opinion, the hardest interview I’ve been to. It was a group interview and actually my first so it was quite nerve wrecking for me.

My friends who attended the previous interviews from JTC said that the number of interviewees would be bout 5. 5 to 2 interviewers from HR.

But when it was my turn, I had 8 people in the interview. It was crazy la. 4 PFM (including me) and 4 Real Estate students. And how the process went was like the interviewers would ask a question and everybody has a chance to answer. So it’s not those kind where you have to fight to answer. So that part wasn’t that stressful.

The stressful part was the questions 🙃 I was so disappointed that out of the many many questions that I actually prepared for, probably only 2 came out and they were the most basic.

1. Why do you want this scholarship?

2. What other scholarships have you applied for?

Ok so here comes the most exciting part. The questions asked. JTC likes to ask really contextual questions in a way where it relates to the real world. So before you attend their interview, better read up more about the construction industry/whatever major you are from.

For my interview slot, since all 8 of us were from the building industry the HR asked us these questions:

1. What trends do u see in the built environment/real estate industry and what are the challenges that jtc will face from these trends.

2. How do you feel about cosharing working spaces i.e whether it is good/bad and as a boss, would u implement it.

So in total it was these 4 questions. And the whole interview took about 20-30mins?

Not really sure anybody from my slot got the scholarship but honestly, i think they interview everyone who applies. So just apply and wait! You’ll eventually be called up for interview.

Hope this thing helps. Good luck!

Happy Valentines Day

Somehow every V day speaks out to me. I rmb back in secondary school which was about 5 years back, I once teared on V day cause I felt that nobody was attracted to me. Ok, to be more accurate, I cried. What an embarrassment.

5 years later, nothing has changed. Still single and feeling the pain of it. I guess it’s perhaps because I feel lonely/alone. And the feeling intensifies when I see all the insta posts about flowers and couples and more flowers and couples. I guess you could say that I’m salty.

One year ago today, I made cupcakes for people including my ex. Funny how a year can change so many things.

No. Funny how within a short span of a week can change so many things.

I thought this year I could finally spend vday with someone whom I loved and still in love with (cringey) but he didnt feel the same anymore. So within 3 wks, we splitted up. It still hurts. And it’s funny how I’m taking this long to get over him.

I’m not sure is it because for G, I had K. For K, it was sorta expected and the thing b/w us ended before any real damage was done. But cw was just a bomb.

I guess I’m still in denial over what happened. Funny how I still teared up when I read the text he sent me – his goodbye text. What an idiot. And it was sent on 23 Jan. So yeah, a few weeks have passed.

Anyway as I was saying, maybe it’s taking so long because I don’t have a stand in at the moment. So it’s just hard to break off.

But honestly speaking, I think it will remain like this for the months to come. I’m so sick of first timers in r/s. They say they are into you and the next moment bam, they just let you go for their own selfish reasons. Arent you supposed to make compromises in a r/s?? Arent you?

But nope. He made the decision for me. He didnt ask me beforehand and assumed it was how I was like. Which is pretty unfair if you ask me. It hurts quite badly. And it still stings. It’s like a splinter that refuses to come out no matter how hard you tug at it or how much time you spend trying to get it out.

Why?? Like seriously why?? Is it God’s plan/will for me to experience all these heartbreaks in order to teach me a lesson or does he have a better plan for me?

If he’s teaching me a lesson, I have to say I have learnt from my mistakes. But if he has other plans for me then God please. Give me a sign. I can’t live like this anymore. It’s too tiring to feel unworthy and unloved by the opposite gender.

Even though I always say that I’m an independent woman, deep down, I know it’s not true. I have to depend on someone. Sure I can take care of myself, my own physical needs and financial needs but emotional wise… This is where I need the most help. I try to act like I don’t need it but really, I do. I just distant myself and not act like a crazy bitch because I know before long, the guy would run away. And well, experience has indeed proven these. 3x the charm eh.

Really really hoping that the next one that pops along will be able to stand my crazy ass. My emotional meltdowns and realise that a r/s takes 2 people to give and take. Compromise so that it will work.

Yup. That’s all for my valentines rant.

Wishing all the couples a happy valentines day and all the singles a happy pal-lentines day!!

Emotional

It’s been a while since I last written something. And well, tonight is one of those nights where I’m feeling particularly emotional.

Perhaps it’s due to my incoming time of the month where it’s messing my hormones.

Anyway, I have been thinking about my love life. How bleak it has been. And perhaps it’s due to my own inability to control my emotions. Somehow the guys that I’ve dated are all quite emotionally inapt. Or at least the 2nd & 3rd. Or maybe it’s just me. Changing to a different person when I get together with them.

Somehow I’m aware of it but I can’t seem to change that part about me. The part where I have this tendancy to pick fights and get really annoyed and teary at little things. In my defence, I would say that it is to test how much they can stand me and whether our r/s can withstand the waves of emotions and madness thrown at them. I know I can.. But can they?

Guess not. Cause the guy that I dated recently ended things with me as well. He came up with the excuse of no more feelings and doesnt want to live with the feeling of being tied down.

It hurts. It really does. How could someone claim that they love you and 3 weeks later they just drop a sudden bomb on you and end everything?? It isn’t fair. It just isn’t.

Yeah, we were just dating or rather he wanted to be official and I was hesitating cause I didn’t want to go thru another heartbreak if things don’t work out.

Funny though. He ended up being the one feeling more fine than I am when he was the one who proclaimed how much he loved me and he was going to be my last. Joke..

And here I am, still completely heartbroken while he moved on so damn quickly. Like how? Like why?

What did I do wrong? Was I not good enough? He said I gave him he feeling of being tied down and losing all freedom. But isnt that what a r/s is supposed to be about? Or more of how there is a little part of your freedom gone but hey, compromise? I didnt need him to meet me everyday, he could still go out with his friends – to birdwatch, to drink, to go outdoors. But how could he..?

Say that he felt so trapped.. and all freedom is lost? My heart broke and he promised never to hurt me intentionally. How ironic.

I did see a future, I did believe in us but perhaps I didn’t show it enough cause he said he felt that he had done so much in an attempt to show me his love and that feeling was not reciprocated by me.

I thought he would understand given how he knew all about my past relationships.

– That I didn’t want to announce to the whole world that I’m dating someone cause I didnt want to explain myself why i’m single again if things ever went south. Because that was what happened with the 2nd & 3rd. Both lasted about 2 months. One was an ex, the other was I guess a guy I dated..

– That I didn’t want to introduce him to my family yet cause it was still so early into the whole thing even tho his fam knew about me? And also because he just finished a surgery due to a bike accident, I didnt want my family to feel that he’s incapable of taking care of me because I know he is. In our 3 weeks tgt, I’ve grown to be so dependant on him. Because he could just listen to one word that I say and he knows what’s up. For eg: Calling the polyclinic for me to check. Something I would never do myself. And also, I once made the mistake of meeting my ex’s family too damn early into the r/s and 2 months later we broke up so I felt bad cause his mum gave me stuff and all.. I didn’t want to go thru the same thing again cause it would bring hurt to both parties.

– That I didn’t want to go too deep too fast cause what if something bad happens and we don’t work out (which is our current case) and then I have to suffer the consequences and feelings of self-blame and self-pity and why didn’t the r/s work out.. Is it because I didn’t do this enough or is it because I was too emotional for him to handle.

It’s exhausting. It really is..

Especially because our thing started back in a foreign land of Chiang Mai where we were OCSP mates and spent 3 weeks together just seeing each other everyday.

So all the more I didn’t want to go in too deep too fast because what if it was actually only a Chiang Mai thing. And I guess it is cause I really preferred the Chiang Mai him..

I thought we could still be friends but he cut off everything without considering my feelings at all. You were the one who lost feelings and you expected me to cut off all my feelings as quickly as you? That isn’t fair cw. It really isn’t. And you said that it’s unfair for you cause it’s your first r/s so you outta have the chance to talk about it but it’s also my first time meeting somebody like you, someone different and who is unafraid to show the world your love. How do you think it’s fair then that you chose not to give us a second chance.. How?

I just can’t comprehend at all. Even if I gave you the weekends to think about it, the ans would still be the same so why ask me to give you the weekends to think about it when I ask you at the moment: “are we ending this?” And you nodded your head with a sorrowful look on your face.

You said you love me but I supposed it was just infatuation. I was only a rebound for the girl you failed to get. It hurt for you but it hurts more for me to know that how it all went downhill was because of one single fight. Our very first fight in the supermarket.. It was a little cold shoulder from me to you cause the words that came out of your mouth was horrid and crude. That was no respect at all.

But.. I really miss you. You were the best thing that I had and I lost it. Just like that. As much as I want to say I have let you go and pretend eveything is fine, I can’t. At least not yet.

Deep down, I’m still hoping for a reconciliation. Silly girl why bother.. You know he’s never going to come back to you.

And yes, I guess there’s that.

So..

Idk. I guess it’s karma. Or it could be the negativity towards a r/s. Or just that I’m not fit to be loved.

Goodnight.

Montpellier Day 18 – 7 June 2017 (late post)

Salut!

So I can’t really rmb what I did during the day but it’s probably the same old stuff like having breakfast and then walking out with Nadedge to take the tram to school. Yeah, and since it’s a wednesday, we didn’t have much going on.

Class was basically passe compose again and then class ended. So for lunch, Gina and I went to had pho at Cuisine S. . It’s a pretty good Vietnamese restaurant I guess. Like it was hot and asian! Wew, any asians who want to have asian food should visit that place. It’s down the other side of Place de la Comedie on the carousel side.

Sophie didn’t join us today cause she went for a picnic with Charlotte at the park. Gina and I weren’t feeling it so we didn’t join them. Anyway, the food was good.

<<Insert photo>>

Yup, after that we went to the Musee Fabre which was thankfully free cause we were students. The museum was huge and like really beautiful in general but too much Jesus-sy stuff. No offense to anyone just that I couldn’t understand the description cause it was in French and also to see similar paintings for most of the levels, it’s really crazy. But I do like some of the artwork. Particularly one where the artist paints faces but not with exact details of the facial features. Like they are painted with strokes of paint which makes up vaguely the face. If you stand far enough, you can see it. And of course, I was highly amused by the paintings cause most of them were like “Oh god why is this happening to me?” (proceeds to roll eyes) It was hilarious really.

Anyway after that we had to go back to school to watch Jeremie’s performance. It was cool but we were both exhausted. Jeremie’s really talented tho. Like he could play the harmonica, guitar and the drum thing with his feet all at the same time. He played a classic which was “the lion sleeps tonight” And in french it is “le lion est mort se soir” Mort actually means die omg. So to make it child friendly, they changed the word to sleep. Pretty cool huh?

<<Inserts video>>

Yeah, then it was finally 430 and we could leave and then I went back home to tell Mme. Gomez that I wasn’t eating at home tonight cause Alex invited Gina and I to his apartment to have dinner. Gina didn’t go cause she felt that she will be out of place. I also felt the same way but I really wanted to go and besides, Leonie was coming with me so all’s good. So yeah, I got home and then I said the most fluent sentence in my 3 weeks here LOLOL and thankfully she was fine with it so ok.

After that Leonie came home and I did some homework and then we left the hosue at around 6.30pm. We went to port marianne to take tram 3 to observetoire and then went to carrefour to get some food. Cause I think it’s like a culture thing. So Leonie was telling me she wanted to get ice and i thought like ice as in ice cubes. She was actually referring to ice cream HAHAHAHAHA well, she didn’t know that it was called ice cream but we took a box of it too so after that we only realised we both misunderstood each other when I pointed to her the ice cubes in the fridge which was below the ice cream and she was like oh no! it’s this (the ice cream) So we got the vanilla one and the pistachio one. And I got a caramel chocolate tart thing on impulse for only 1.81 euros. Omg it was the best decision ever. IT’S SO DAMN GOOD! Damn happy with my buy.

After that we walked all the way to Alex’s cause the bus would take a long time to come. So when we finally reached, his apartment was huge? Probably cause there were a few people staying together. Like he lives with ella and steffan as well. Anyway, it was filled with a lot of swiss. The only non-swiss people were like me and Gonzalo the other new guy in my class. And yeah it was a little weird for me but I guess Alex did his best to try to talk to me and stuff so I wasn’t feeling that awkward.

So I had carbonara which wasn’t really good cause the egg got scrambled cause the spaghetti was too hot but nonetheless, it was a good meal. After eating the rest went out to the balcony and like Alex was left in the kitchen with a few others including me and Leonie. So like Alex and I started having a conversation from why I was here and why he was here and Leonie helped with some words that he didn’t know how to translate in English. But yeah. After that like it became Alex and I talking while Leonie talked to this other girl called Laura I guess. And then we were on the topic of r/s. I sorta know that he has a girlfriend but didn’t want to make it obvious that I know so like I casually switched the topic of r/s from his bf and his gf to his own r/s. Which I then found out that they only got together quite recently for about a month and the half which is similar to me and my boyfriend as well. She’s half asian cause she’s Italian + Thai and also 2 years older than him so she’s 20 while he’s 18. And then we went onto the topic of dating younger boys/older girls and I told him I wouldn’t date a younger guy cause it’s just weird so it digressed a little and then he said like b/w him and gonzalo who is also 18, i would pick him which I agree cause he looks older with his beard and all AHAHAHAH. But really though, I doubt I’ll ever date a younger guy than me. It’s just weird.

And then after that we played this Spanish game I guess since it was from Gonzalo. So it’s called asshole. How it’s played is that all the cards will be given out and then the smallest of 3 will start first and the biggest number is 2. So the objective of the game is to finish all the cards and the first to finish will be the president, vp, villagers x3, lesser shit, and the last will be the shit. And the rules of the game are if you put a card and the player beside you puts the same card then the next player’s turn will be skipped. And it continues. You can put the same card or a higher number. But if a player puts 7, you have to put only 7/8. You can’t put 9 10 etc etc. And if you pass your turn, you will be passed until that pile of cards are taken away. Yeah, so it was ok. And then we played like probably 2 rounds and then it ended cause it was getting late and people were going home.

So after that Leonie and I were left in the kitchen and then Alex was asking us to go outside so I went and stood at the door and then talked to him and Leonie went to the toilet or something. So when she came back both of us were just looking at her and then she felt creeped out like “what the hell??” But yeah, so the 3 of us went out to the balcony and sat. I sat beside Alex and Leonie sat beside me like an arc shape. So I was feeling cold actually and I just touched Alex and he was like woah and then I touched Leonie and she was like wow you’re really cold. And Alex grabbed my hand to put in his hand for awhile to feel it again I guess. And well, his hands were really soft. Damn, I’m pretty sure it’s softer than mine. Like baby hands D: Yeah, and then he went to get my jacket and his jacket for me. So nice and sweet la :’)

So after awhile more people started leaving and he was being a little boy. Like he lay on his back and then started saying I’m really cute like I’m always laughing in class etc. I was a little shy of course. And he started like stroking my face in a way I guess and kept saying you’re so cute. I was a little embarrassed cause like there were other people there as well and I was like ?? And of course I stroked his hair and he was like omg you’re patting me so cute. x2 shy. Yeah, then he proceeded to ask whether he could wear my specs and I was like no, cause it’s like oily and gross ah so ya self consciousness :’) But in the end he was so cute that I gave in. Like he asked me in French with Leonie’s help and stuff. Yeah, I couldn’t really see much cause I’m pretty much blind without my specs but he was being such a little man. It’s a term I used cause he’s been to the army so I can’t call him boy anymore so little man it was.

Yeah, then it was kinda time to go home so we all stood up and went to get our bags. And while we were walking to Alexs’ room, he kept patting my head and like as a natural reflex I just kept ducking and he was like “awww so cute” and yeah after that like it was really time to go and Alena was giving him a hug and I asked Leonie is this some swiss thing and she said  “not really, it’s just what friends do” and I was like wow ok. Cause Alena even kissed him on the cheek so it was quite bizarre to me. And then it was my turn and I just awkward-hug him like the space in the middle cause I didn’t know how to react there and then. Now thinking back I should have just hugged him properly. Oh wells.

And then ya we walked really fast cause Alena had to get to Comedie to catch her train and so Leonie and I were left. We kinda talked abit and then like we walked home after taking the tram back to port marianne. And after that I asked what was going on with Alex and her cause at his place they were talking about something and Alex said he was being a gentleman and Leonie said she would tell me later and I was like ok. So basically the story was that she had no wifi and so Alex invited her back to his house to use the wifi and then they kinda shared the same bed to sleep but nothing happened ah. So yeah, but everybody else was like omg are you guys together? And stuff like that but like Alex has a girlfriend so obviously nothing can happen right. Basically that was it.

I reached home and got a text from Alex asking if I was safely home. And I said yes thank you for the invitation and of course for trying to make me feel less awkward. He really is a sweet boy. I really want my own boyfriend to be like that but nope he just doesn’t work that way. Anyway, I cleaned myself like a child cause I was using a hankie to wet my body cause I couldn’t shower T.T rules of the house so yeah.

But it was a good day especially with Alex and all so yeah. Imma happy girl 🙂

Thanks for reading!

Au Revoir

Montpellier day 7 – 27 May 2017

Hello!

So today is really exciting but breakfast as usual was the same stuff of baguette, nesquik with milk, biscotte and the jam and nutella.

Yup, anyway we have another excursion today. Today’s journey consist of 4 places – Pezenas > Canal du Midi > Beziers > Plage volcanique cap d’agde. We also had to meet at Gare Routiere and this time it started from 9am – 6.30pm. Today I walked on my own from Gare Saint-Roch and thankfully I wasn’t lost cause I remembered the way I took when I went home. Also, since Jeremie was on his holiday, Jeff was our guide.

There were a lot of English speaking students I suppose? But well yeah. We first reached pezenas and then we gathered in front of this status as shown:

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And then Jeff began to tell us the story behind the name of the place. I can’t quite remember cause it was in French and even though there was a really nice English lady who translated everything for us. But yeah, do check it out! After Jeff was done with his story, we had about 2 hours of free time? So Gina and I went and walked around. And OH. MY. GOD. The place was freaking amazing!!

It’s like there was a little bazaar going on. It was similar to Singapore’s Pasar malam which in other words meant night market. But yeah, there were many many stores selling different things. The fruits were really fresh and beautiful. The flowers were just blooming. It was such a beautiful sight. Yup!

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And then we walked past this store that sells bracelets and what not. The lady could speak English but we answered her in french so she was like “oh you speak french?” and we were like “Ummm, un petit peu” which means a little bit. After that she was showing us all sorts of stuff. And she passed me a new one that looked like a pandora bracelet. Sigh, I didn’t want to get that but I guess she misinterpreted and so I got 2 bracelets instead. Each one cost 7 euros so I spent 14 euros there. But oh wells, I needed to give gifts anyway. Hope my friends will like it 🙂

After that we continued walking and we passed by this bookstore called Maison de la Presse LANET cause there were like postcards everywhere and Gina was into them. So she looked at them and I went inside to look around. So in the end I bought this fairytale book meant for enfants which means children in french. HAHAHAHAHA it’s a hardcover book and it looks simple enough for me to read and understand which I hope I’ll have time to do it when I get back and of course really understand it. Yeah, so as I was paying for it, I didn’t hear the lady properly except she said “cadeaux” which means gift in french and I said oui. So she asked her assistant to wrap the book for me. HAHAHAHAHA

While waiting, there was another elderly lady in line and she looked so pleasant. And I said “desolee” which means sorry and she said something like it’s ok, I’m just waiting to photocopy my documents and so I smiled back at her.

Finally it was done and I said “merci beaucoup, au revoir!” and went on my way to meet Gina outside. Hurhur. After that we continued to walk and we saw many clothing stores where we stopped but didn’t buy any cause they were kinda too expensive but still relatively cheap compared to the stores in the streets here at Montpellier. Like I guess 10 euros? Oh yes! I bought a scarf for my grandmother at the market and the lady was really nice. She said “have a nice day” after I was done with my purchase. But since Gina haven’t made up her mind, we lingered around and so I asked in French “Ummm, une question. Plastic bag c’est quoi en Francais?” and I guess she started to explain to me that they don’t use plastic bags cause it’s really unenvironmentally friendly and that it might kill marine life if people start throwing them around. I really applaud the french for this, like when can Singaporeans be like dis 😦 The French really don’t use plastic bags. Even if they do give you bags, it will be in the form of paper. Like WOW. Anyway, yup, so she told us it’s called a sachet and so yup, I learnt a new word today :))))

After that we went on our way and then walked past this seemingly Chinese shop but actually it was a Vietnam store and we stole a little of their prawn crackers. Good stuff :p Oh btw, please don’t take it literally. We didn’t steal anything. The prawn crackers were placed out as samples so we could take it yup teehee 😀 Yup, so we walked a little more before we decided it’s time to turn back and then cause we could either buy food to the beach or eat at the restaurant there, we decided to get food from the market. So we went back to the Vietnam store and I bought their riz canton basically it’s rice and their spring pork roll. I was really excited cause I haven’t had rice in about a week and I really miss it 😦 #Asianproblems

Anyway, fast forward, so we both got our food and we went back to the mini van and went on our way to Plage Volcanique Cap d’agde.

Basically it’s a place with beaches. And oh my, it was really beautiful. The view was extremely wowz. Also, why it is called plage volcanique was pretty much cause there is an active volcano near it? And like the ashes from it turn the sand black.

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And yup, we had our lunch there like I ate my riz and pork. The rice was ok thankfully with the help of chili but the pork was just bad D: Don’t get it people! Anyway, Gina bought some chicken as well and decided to feed the seagulls. Holy shit, it was terrifying cause the birds were huge and noisy. So while I wasn’t looking, she threw a piece and then the 1st bird started calling all its friends down and immediately, most of all the other birds descended and were just waiting for food to be thrown to them.

Omg, and they were really aggressive. Like 2/3 birds can start pecking each other cause they were fighting for the food. They pretty much sound like the seagulls in Finding Nemo huehue. Yup after that I also started throwing my pork roll cause it was just that bad 😦 The rest of my rice, I gave it to Gina cause she was still hungry so yup.

Fast forward, after we were done, we went down to the first beach and like the sand was black ummm as in greyish-black? Yup, the water was cold and it was really clear like you can see every single pebble. But this time, we didn’t suntan cause there weren’t enough time. After awhile, Gina came to join me cause she was done smoking and then we went back up. Oh and the staircase was like really cool? Cause it was spiral but the walls were made of gravel and stone instead of cement.

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After that we decided to do some exploring as well since we had a little bit more time. And then we realised that there was another beach there. The sand this time were the normal sand like yellowish white? Oh and cause I desperately wanted to pee, we finally found a toilet there. And omg?? It was really gross. Like a man came out of it and said something in French like it can’t be flushed or something. Which was true cause I opened the door and immediately saw that the toilet bowl was kinda full D; Super duper gross so I gave up peeing. Oh wells. So we enjoyed abit of the sun and took pictures.

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After that when it was about 2pm we started to walk back cause we had to gather at 2.30pm. And since there was another toilet somewhere we decided to hunt for it. In the midst of it, we spotted an aquarium and so we went in. And there it was, the holy toilet :)))) It was really clean of course thankfully and so my bladder was relieved. There, I bought a postcard for 40 cents cause I decided that I wouldn’t be able to capture the entire view so I bought it. And then we went back to the mini van.

In the mini van, I met this Swiss girl. We talked for a little bit and at first I felt like she had this resting bitch face (RBF) cause well, it’s just like that. Can’t really explain RBF but apparently she studies law and she’s also 26. Her french is really good though. Ya, she was cool. And then we finally reached Canal du midi.

It was really fascinating cause it was built like in 1667 and without any architects, engineers and what not and it’s 241km long which spans from Toulouse and ends at Etang de Thau. Do google about it!!

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After awhile, a little tourist boat passed us and then we left to Beziers.

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Beziers is a small little town and there we visited this really amazing Cathedral, aka Beziers Cathedral, like it was so damn big and grand and mostly tall. Omg, we died trying to climb up the steps cause it was really a lot of stairs. But hey, it was worth it and the view was great ^^ After awhile, I climbed down and omg, it was really scary as well cause like one slip and you might tumble to your death whoops. But I finally made it down.

After that Gina and I went to look for ice cream but got conned into this little shop which sells milkshakes and yogurts. Kidding but yeah, I was disappointed. But anyway, this is my yogurt 😀

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After that, we went to walk around some more and see if we could get anything for our friends back but well, there weren’t much apparently. So I didn’t spend anything at beziers. After that it was time to leave and we headed back to gare routiere.

So then came dinner time and omg, we had quinoa. I really didn’t like that thing T.T cause it was 1st, cold. 2nd, there were a lot of capsicum and corns and lastly well it was just gross in general. Sorry people who love quinoa.

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Yeah, basically I didn’t know what exactly I was eating cause I didn’t ask but later found out cause I asked Gina the next day. Anyway, I took really little of it cause it was suspicious looking and I covered the taste of it with cherry tomatoes. Thank god for such a fruit.

Yup, and then it was shower time and bed for me :)))

Thanks for reading mes amies!

Au revoir ^^

Montpellier Day 6 – 26 May 2017

Ok! Now that I got day 4 in place, it should be correct for the rest of the other posts!

Alors, salut mes amies!

Today is day 6 of my trip here and of course the last day of school for the 1st week! D’habitute, je mange la meme choses (I ate the same things) pour le petit-dejeuener. Before I left for school, I decided to ask Leonie in French how to get to the beach cause Gina and I were thinking of doing it and well, I did ask to double confirm. So thanks Leonie! After that I headed to school.

T’was a good day I guess 🙂 For lessons we went through des, un, une and le, la, les as well as questions to ask on a daily basis. Yup and so after lessons we went to have lunch. Gina, Sophie and I went to Brioche Doree that is along a bend. It serves really nice sandwiches and honestly I think it’s quite affordable. Although I think I kinda spent about 7.50 euros? But it included a long sandwich together with an eclair as well as a bottle of pepsi. In SGD of course it is expensive but I was honestly really hungry so oh wells!

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Oh yes, at first when we got there, Gina and I wanted to leave our bags at our seats so as to “chope” it. Chope-ing means to reserve it in Singlish (Singaporean English). Sophie looked at us like “Are you crazy?” But she didn’t actually said that instead, with a really concerned look, she said “you’re just going to leave your bags here?” Then Gina and I looked at each other and said “Oh ya horh, here not Singapore” HAHAHAHAH cause in Singapore, you can actually do that? Not advisable but it is actually safe enough. Just take your valuables with you such as your phone and wallet will do. And then Sophie continued to say “In Chile, if you do that, your bag will be stolen” and we went “Whoops” and proceeded to take our bags and went to queue for the food.

Ok, back to the story, they heated my sandwich so all was good cause I really adore hot food 🙂 Yup and the eclair was filled with chocolate filling which is my favourite so again, it was all good ^^ I actually wanted to taste the tart but Gina was saying we should try the eclair so I just tried it. No regrets really. So after that the 3 of us left and talked all the way to the tram stop before we went on our separate ways.

We went to Gare Saint-roch to take tram 3 in the direction of Perols Etang de l’Or to get to the beach. And all was good till halfway through, there was a toddler who started crying D: It was actually ok at first and then she didn’t stopped. My ears died. Cause it was that kind of crying that the kid wanted something but couldn’t get it so she just kept on crying/screaming. It was funny for a moment cause the mum decided to play with her mouth. Like imagine you’re yawning/singing/making noise and then you cover and uncover your mouth repeatedly. That’s the sound. HAHAHAHAH but yeah.

So we finally reached the station of Perols Etang de l’Or and then we began to follow people cause I think there isn’t a bus? Or if there is, we didn’t know how/where to take it. Omg, it was torturous cause it was at least a 20mins walk?? It was really far 😥 Like halfway through, Gina wanted to turn back and go home sua. I died and was like noooo we walk until here already then you want to go home? So we continued walking and we finally reached. WOOHOO.

Regrets though. We didn’t take a freaking photo of the place? Like both of us actually forgot. But the name of the beach is called la Carnon. You can google it if you want. It was really hot that day and like when we reached, we were wondering where was the toilet. Cause it didn’t seem to have a toilet and then Gina decided to ask this group of girls where’s the toilet in broken french. Thank God for her cause I wouldn’t have known how to ask/have the guts to ask :’) So they said it was after the carpark on the right and we said ok, merci! But of course, we still couldn’t find it and then there was this other lady and Gina proceeded to ask us. But she either didn’t hear her or pretended not to hear her cause she didn’t turn around until like Gina went really close before she turned around. I think she said she’s not sure as well cause she doesn’t stay here and asked us to check with the ice cream shop nearby and we said ok, merci.

And so we continued to walk in the direction of the ice cream shop and I saw the toilet sign woohoo. After that we went to change. It was actually my 2nd time wearing the bikini I bought and brought along with me. It’s a blue bikini woohoo my favourite colour. And this time, the bottoms fitted perfectly. I told Gina about it and said so means I grew fatter and she was like no? It means your assets grew HAHAHAHAHAHAH

Yup, we then proceeded to find a spot and then we used our towel to sit on the sand cause that was what everybody did. And well, I brought a mini towel like those for gymming kind :’) Cause I thought I wouldn’t need such a big one since I will only be cleaning myself rather than have a proper shower. I dun think there were any shower cubicles nearby anyway. So we found this spot in between like 2 groups of people cause well, we were kinda scared our stuff would be stolen HAHHAAHA but hey, that’s a legit concern.

Yup, so we laid our towels out and then chilled for awhile, applying sunblock and what not. Then I rmbed I brought my ziplock bag so I put my phone, portable charger and wallet inside and then Gina said “eh, actually can just put under our towels right?” and I was like “ya horh!” and proceeded to dig a hole in the sand in the middle of our towels and placed it there before I covered it with sand and our towels. Such safety :’) After that we chilled for awhile more before deciding to go down into the water.

Before that we placed our bags on top of our towels and i covered my valuables. After that we proceeded to the water and OMG it was icy cold. The weather was so damn hot but the water was like ice. I totally died (figuratively) But well, we slowly waddled our way into the water taking baby steps. LOLOLOLOL cause the water really is just too cold for us. And then I forgot to take my rubber-band cause I wanted to tie it since I didn’t want to wet it. So I had to go up to shore and return to our spot. On my way, oh my, I saw a half naked lady. Like she was suntanning her boobs D: I mean well, it’s a culture shock to me cause in Singapore, you can never do that. It’s freaking illegal so yeah.

Anyway, after taking my rubber band and tying my hair, it was round 2 for walk of death into icy water. Died the 2nd time. Oh yes, what is interesting though, it’s that the beach is actually flat. Like we could go really deep cause for about the first 5 meters, the sand was at the same constant level so Gina and I could walk quite far in. Yeah, we had fun to be honest (tbh). After awhile, I just couldn’t take it anymore and decided to return to shore while she continued her stay in the water.

Since the sun was being so bright, the sea water quickly dried up and I proceeded to eat my half finished lunch and then shortly after Gina returned and then we took a few selfies HAHAHAHA

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After that we just decided to suntan ourselves. Turned out, it didn’t work really well 😦 My back wasn’t tanned at all I cri. As for my front, I turned out to be suntanned but I think it was due to my walk back to the tram stop. Cause around 5pm, we decided to leave cause we needed to go home for dinner. And yup, it was still extremely sunny 😦 But it was a good day at the beach although it was probably just like a short 3 hours or so?

So I almost fell asleep on the train cause I was really tired but I perked up when I saw like 3 doggos on the tram. Teehee. One was still a juvenile German Shepard pup, and beside me was a little cocker spaniel which I didn’t notice until it sniffed my calves teehee. And a little further front there was probably a beagle and yup. It was really cool but of course the GS doggo had its fur flying everywhere as it started to move around. I mean c’mon, it’s still a pupper after all :p

Yup. And then I went home to wash up abit before dinner began. I was actually really excited cause it was bolognaise spaghetti with ham.

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But the spaghetti wasn’t salty enough 😦 But well, can’t really complain. At least it was hot 🙂 And then after dinner I just went to shower and then bed time wew.

Ok, that was my day 6.

Thanks for reading!

Au revoir