Something struck me today as I noticed how perhaps other girls may actually be interested in the same guy that I am even though he is just an average joe.
It kinda got me thinking of how I am always quick to love but take forever to heal when it falls through. Like why do I even do this to myself?
Is it time to take a step back and just slid back into the background? Especially since Valentine’s day is coming soon and I’ve got no date to speak of :>
It’s actually nice to have that warm, fuzzy feeling of loving/liking someone since I have been in this stasis relationship thing (we are not even officially together, just continuously dated for 2 years) that kinda makes everything around me stand still. Perhaps it’s cause I have been with the same person for so long without any progress that any feelings just evaporated into thin air. Occasionally, but rarely do I get that sudden jolt of electricity through my heart. That anxious feeling of a boy whom you have a crush on returning your text after a long day.
But now, it seems like it’s coming back. He’s really cute. Big guy but the way he texts can be quite adorable. Like I unlock my lock-screen hoping to see his name pop up or even start a convo first. Haha, still this little girl mindset of how a guy will text you first if he cares/thinks of you.
My mind just can’t stop thinking about him. Or how I look forward to having our meals together and think of shit to talk about. I get shy when I have to talk to him in a social setting when another of my friend is around. Like oh gosh, I should have passed that phase a long time ago but nope :> 20 and still feeling this way.
But as much as I would like my feelings to be reciprocated, it’s not really easy to handle the potential heart-break of it. Especially since this boy is an evergreen. How will he deal if a girl who he has always seen as his friend suddenly have feelings for him? Which kinda makes me even more afraid because what if I fall too deep only to realise that he has never see me more than a friend or worse, a sister? That typical case of being friend-zoned/sister-zoned which kinda happened to me a million times.
So what now? I ask myself a million times.
Don’t be too quick to fall in love. I remind myself a trillion times.
Does true love exist? I hope so.
Will I be able to continue this non-existent relationship and perhaps stay as friends? This I probably can do. But there’ll always be a part of me that wishes to be given a chance.
So.. I really must make a mental note of how to restrain my feelings for this guy before everything gets out of hand because I was too quick to fall in love.