Will you ever notice me?

As much as I would like to say yes, I have to go with a No.

Often times, we wish that our crush would notice us and maybe like slowly fall in love with us or something. But what if that crush started out as being friends? And then you slowly fall in love with him/her? Then what?

Do you risk your friendship and confess or just keep mum and never make your feelings known? 

I feel that over the years since secondary school and stuff, I have been really honest with my feelings. Of course, I would still test the waters and see if that guy actually likes me or not. Which was what I did to my best friend. 

Kinda confessed and things got pretty ugly. Actually it was more of like he asked me whether I had feelings for him and I said yes and typed a whole chunk justifying myself and hopefully he doesn’t leave.

Thankfully, he didn’t. But he was so serious about it, it kinda scared me. I was so afraid that I would lose my best friend. Like the first cause I didnt reciprocate his feelings and the current one cause I was infatuated with him and decided to be a risk taker. 

Things got a little awkward after that I guess but now we’re fine. Cause we both realised it was just an infatuation. Like I fell in love with the idea of him. He was always so nice to me, listening etc. Although he sucks at making time to meet me đŸ˜‘ He was like this then, he still is like this now. Omg.

So as I was saying, what if we started out as friends? Somehow I started feeling feelings for this guy whom I thought was impossible. But over a period of time, I think it was due to his cheekiness, I kinda developed feelings for him. Oh lord o’mighty. He’s cute in his own ways and really passionate bout the sport he’s playing. He’s not very tall but he has his own charisma. But he swears a lot and he smokes. 

I don’t know. I didn’t even realise he actually smokes cause he doesn’t have the smell on him. But that doesnt change the fact that he smokes. After all, he does have a packet of cigarettes in his pocket. 

He’s 2 years older than I am. Not perfect but likeable after a period of time. I always find myself wanting to see him/hoping to see him. But doesn’t really happen. He gives off mix signals as well which can kinda be confusing like duh. So I also can’t tell whether he may like me or not. Which is risky if I decide to make my feelings known. 

And even so, we don’t really have any common topic to talk about. I can’t even start to text him because I have nothing to say to him. I can’t possibly be like “hey, whatcha doing?” Like it’s so freaking random?? 

I’m pretty sure he’s not dumb and he can sense it unlike most guys who are just clueless when a girl likes him. (Why are guys so oblivious?!)

I really hope that maybe we can work something out. Like someday he’ll notice me not as just a friend but as something else.

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