Perhaps love is never going to find me

I really don’t know what we are.

Like didn’t I already tell you I’m ready to let go cause I assumed that you wanted to let go? But here you are, prancing back into my life. Or maybe you just decided it was fun to torment me. That was why you replied with such enthusiasm which made me think “is us really over?”
I know we’re supposed to live our own lives but I really want to move on too. To date other guys, to feel loved, to be loved, and more importantly to love again.

We have been stuck in this vicious cycle for far too long that I guess when it’s really time to let go, neither of us are brave enough to do it. And when I decided that I was brave enough, you decided to just shortchange me. Did I do you wrong in my past life? That somehow I’m so attached to you? Or is it that I have developed this dependency on you that it’s hard to imagine me without you. 

All these unhappy thoughts start to creep into my head. My feels for other guys start to strengthen but I’m again, not brave enough to make the first move. I’ve always been making the first move and it always ends badly. Sometimes I do want to make the first move but I can’t imagine my life with this other guy. Like he’s too intelligent for me, too well spoken. Basically he’s out of my league. And also, I feel very intimidated which stops me again from making the 1st move.

They say when you stop looking for love, love will look for you.

 But really? Is that really so? Can anybody tell me a true story to prove this theory? 

I’m so filled with doubt and skepticism that I’m almost convinced I’ll never find my one true love. 

So really though, while it seems that I’m love-less now, I hope that things will change soon. 

Or maybe love ain’t ever going to turn up at my doorstep.

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