It’s your birthday today. It’s funny how I still remember your birthday as though you never did left. But you did.
It’s been 2 years officially now that you got out of my life.
Are you happy? I think you are. After all, you don’t have a person like me to bug you anymore do you?
Honestly, despite our racial differences, our religious differences, how we are so different in so many ways – you’re the fun one // I’m the dull one, you’re the popular one // I always stay in the background.
I did love you.
I don’t think I ever stopped. Or maybe I am in love with the concept of you. My mind goes back to you at some random point in the day. Or sometimes even before I fall asleep. Places we went, memories we shared.. A certain bus or bus-stop. A certain food. Even now, I have your laughter ringing in my head.
I guess I didn’t realise what I had was so precious. They say “you’ll only miss it when it’s gone”
When it comes to you, I feel nothing but longing and regret. How I failed to give us both a chance cause I thought too far into the future and didn’t want to break your heart.
Of course, who am I kidding?
I didn’t want to break mine. You deserve so much better. And I was afraid that once you found someone better, I would be left alone.
I guess you couldn’t take me putting you second when I was first. But the fact was, I loved you so much that I didn’t know how to show it. How to not break you which was what I frequently did.
The times you saw me having a crush on another dude, the times you saw me laughing silly cause of another dude, the times you saw me behaving differently towards the dude I had a crush on.. It hurt. Didn’t it? And I never took notice of it cause you hid it so well. And I was your best friend for God’s sake.
Crushes were crushes after all. After all this time, the sweet scent that you gave off from your uniform, the warm delicate touch of your hands, the intimate interlocking between our fingers, it gave me something I never felt before with other guys.
Today I was asked whether the guy I’m dating is my first love. I thought about it.. And I had to admit, NO. He wasn’t. You were.
But it’s time to let go. You were my best friend, my lover. Thank you for all the lovely times shared.
Right now, we’re nothing more than a pair of strangers.